Change is something we all are constantly looking for.
Our search for it shows up in many different forms – we change our hairstyle, buying new clothes, upgrading our phones, moving living room furniture, jumping from one partner to another. We constantly seek external improvement because we think we will feel better, solve our inner insecurities, or finally find our peace and quiet.
Three years ago I thought the same. I wanted a change in my life, so I bought a one-way flight ticket that was supposed to be a token to a new life.
I won’t deny, it felt like a true change for a while, but slowly the magic was disappearing, happy moments became bitter, laughter was changed by stress, things that looked so inspiring and unique didn’t bring any joy, and everything around started to look dark and boring. In other words – I got back into the same state where life looked like shit again, even though everything was completely different on the outside.
Even moving countries didn’t help and here I was on a new search for a change.
Little did I know that years later I will tell somebody that I found my own way that changed my life. And it isn’t something that I bought or comes in any physical form.
I found that glorious CHANGE by changing my thoughts.
I hope you will find your change here too.
WHAT TO DO TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE?
- Practice positive thinking. It’s no secret that positive thinking plays a major part in improving your life, but it’s not an easy task as it takes time to spot and a lot of effort to break negative thought patterns.
I remember myself being such a whiny girl, seeing life just in black and white, always unhappy. But I had the honour to spend time with a person who showed me that life can be colourful and every situation, no matter how bad it seems, has a little light in it. At first, I had to trick my brain and pretend that I am positive, but I thought to myself and now I am truly positive in all kinds of situations (even when Covid happened).
You can always start your journey to positive thinking by surrounding yourself with people who spreads positive vibes and always feels better than you (energy is contagious); stay away from gossip and drama, by hurting other people you do more damage to yourself; create positive space on your social media by following cheerful and uplifting accounts; read inspirational books, quotes; watch romantic (or any other kind of) movies or videos full with happiness and joy; and be curious even in the worst situations, what are the positive things, what have you learned?
- Practice mindfulness. Paying more attention to the present moment, your thoughts and feelings, and to the world around, helps us to enjoy and experience this life that we have.
We often take everything we have and what we do for granted, we do not appreciate people around us, we stop being interested in taking the most of this life. We live in an auto-pilot mode without even considering what and why we do it.
I found myself always waiting for something; when I’m at work, I always think about holidays, when I’m on holiday, I always think about work. When I was going out for a coffee with a friend, I was scrolling more than engaging in the conversation; but when I was home, I was always thinking about going out with friends. Instead of living the moment I was always somewhere else.
Becoming aware of this precious moment gives a sense of aliveness and gratitude. We make better choices and start enjoying ourselves and our life.
- Forgiveness. When you forgive others and forgive yourself for everything you’ve done, you free yourself from the chains that hold you back from moving forward to your best life.
You can’t imagine how many times I was telling myself that I am stupid being for making mistakes or blaming myself for all the past failures. These thoughts followed me everywhere I go and had a huge impact on every future related decision I had to make.
The same was with the people who’ve done wrong to me. I was hiding the pain from the wounds they made and thought that it will solve the problems, but once in a while (when I see them or something reminded me of them) everything it hurt even more.
We keep those thoughts or memories without realising that they hurt us more than anyone else. You are not the same person as you’ve been five years, three months or even twenty minutes ago. You have to let yourself grow and evolve without the pain from the past. And the only way to get rid of that pain is to forgive.
- Acceptance. People tend to think that they have to be. It is very hard to accept life when you wish things were different, but sometimes it is impossible. There is also no point in being in a state of misery.
There are a few types of acceptance – one is when you accept life the way it is, and another one is when you accept yourself the way you are. Both of them are very important.
We should stop putting labels on all our unique experiences and leave it just the way it is. Imagine how easy your life would be if you would stop trying to fix things to make it ‘better’, or stop fighting, resisting, or denying.
Accept yourself the way you truly are, with all the ‘flaws’ (I don’t like this word) and features, strengths, and weaknesses, the need of being different disappears and your true life begins. Look at it without any thoughts to change, just let it be.
“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.”
- Letting go of the past and focusing on the future. No person in this entire world wouldn’t regret doing some stupid things, saying the wrong words, or remaining silent when they should have spoken, or walking away when they should’ve stayed.
Regret also walks along with being ashamed, disgusted, sad, or worried.
I was always putting myself into this misery of reliving particular moments and creating hundreds of millions of scenarios of how different my life would be if I would have acted differently. What I didn’t think about is that by reliving those past moments I was locking myself in the past forgetting that I have to live today and focus on my future.
The thing is that no matter how we try, we can’t change our past. No time machine would take us back there. Those memories will remain the same, but we can change the perspective of them. We can use the opportunity to accept our past, feel gratitude for the experience, thank ourselves for doing the best we could at the moment, and take the lesson for our future. Keep the past in the past. You need to live today.
- Find your voice. These days it’s very hard to find yourself when all you can see is fabulous. We are being influenced by the media and celebrities about how we should look, what we should eat, where we should go, and what we should think. In the middle of this noise, it becomes more and more difficult to understand what we truly are and what we want.
All my life I felt like I was in the middle of the storm in the ocean being pushed from one wave to another while paddling with my hands on an inflatable life-saving boat. I was always scared to say what I think, or to dress up a bit more, or to do things that I loved. I always thought I need to be like others because who I am is not enough.
But it is enough.
We all are wonderful unique beings, who have different desires, imagination, thoughts, tastes, and bodies. And it is OK.
Finding your voice is one of the most important things we can do to make our life better. Because it’s OUR life. And we deserve to live it the way we find it best for us, not for others.
True change doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly won’t last if it’s external change.
We all get bored with our new phones in a few weeks, am I right?
True change starts changing your inner world.
Just by changing your thoughts, perspective, becoming more aware, and choosing consciously, you can make your life like a dream. And when you are happy inside – you won’t look for happiness in the mountains or on the beach, in a new car or new partner.
You will always have it there.
Everything else will be just an improvement.
I hope you will find your CHANGE.
Let me know how are you!