More or less, I think we all compare each other’s lives. We’ve grown up in society where we are told to do more and be more. From a young age we hear that our neighbour’s daughter has better grades at school, our cousin got into the best university, our moms friends friends neighbour got a very good and well paid job, and that girl on TV is wearing size zero.
Our lives become like a battlefield. We are constantly fighting to prove to others that we live better than them. We show how much we have, how much we earn, how amazing our life is.
Winning a competition became the only way to feel better about ourselves.
It would be amazing if we would use this competition for good reasons, like competing for donated amounts of money, or who cleaned more beaches in Bali, or who collected more plastic in the ocean. But we compete against one another like we would need to prove our worth to them.
‘We buy things we don’t need with the money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like’ – Edward Norton
And yet, competing and comparing doesn’t feel like happiness at all.
How many times you looked at someone’s life, then looked at yours and thought ‘where did I get wrong?’. I believe it comes up from time to time, doesn’t it?
I do often compare my life with other people that I know, and sometimes even people that I don’t know (thank you social media). And I do often think that my life sucks, why the hell I am here, what’s the point of being here, why I am so stupid, why I am so afraid…
This feeling of unworthiness was following me all the time. And constant comparison was drowning me even deeper into thoughts that I am not funny enough, not smart enough, not talented enough not pretty enough… Not enough in general.
Everything what I had in my life always seemed less then it is. And it didn’t help to build confidence and motivation to do anything.
It was very hard to believe that there might be another way of living my life, and that I might actually feel good about myself.
Here is HOW I STOPPED COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS
1. Take a closer look to your triggers and use it to grow
Start noticing what triggers you the most and find out the reason why you compare your life to others. It might be that some sort of thing on social media starts your comparison game and makes you feel less than you are. Or maybe someone around you constantly brags something that makes you feel bad about yourself? Become aware of it, notice how it makes you feel and ask yourself why is it like that? And maybe you can use it as an inspiration or motivation instead of belittle yourself?
2. Name your values
Sometimes we feel bad for not having something in our lives because we were taught that we need that to be happy or to be successful by society that we live in. But checking in with your true values might show you that the things you thought you want are actually not that important to you. Defining your core values might lead to realisation that you want a completely different life then you try to live. And it’s ok, that’s how it should be. Your values are not the same as mine, so why do you think the way I live is better than the way you live? Naming your values might help you to silence the noise of other people and understand what kind of life you actually want, why you want it and finally stop comparing your personal journey to others.
3. Appreciate how special you are
Once you start comparing yourself to others, that’s a sign that you need a good old self-love to remind you of the one and only truth – that you are special. There is no one like you on this planet. Even if at this moment you think that you aren’t good enough, beautiful enough or any other negative things about yourself you have to know that there is a reason why you are here. You are unique. Nobody thinks like you think, nobody speaks like you speak, nobody does things like you do, and the truth is that this planet needs all of it. You create your own story, your own extraordinary footprint and it is so so so special. Open your eyes and accept that you are really amazing the way you are. There is no need to be like somebody else.
4. Deep breaths and gratitude
Comparison destroys your joyful presence. If you always want what other people do or what they have, there won’t ever be enough. You will always want more and more and more. It’s like a never ending cycle to unworthiness and misery. The ugly truth about life is that we can’t have everything in this life. But you can learn to be happy and feel full in the present moment with what you have. And there is so much good around you. Despite the roof above your head, clothes on your body, food on your plate, I guess you have a phone, a computer or tablet (because you’re reading this blog) and a desire to learn and grow. You already have a lot more than other people do! Look into it, take a deep breath and remind yourself how incredible your life is.
5. Be happy for others
There are times when people around us get lucky to have something that we dream about (or we think we want). It’s when your friend gets your dream job, or you see someone on your Instagram having a great time in your dream destination, or someone finishes university or starts it’s own business. Situations like these might cause a chapter of negative thoughts like ‘what did I do wrong? I’m a failure! I will never be good enough!’ right? We tend to get so caught up in the thoughts that we are failing that we forget the fact that other people’s success literally has nothing to do with our worthiness. We are not failures. We are not stupid losers that won’t deserve happiness. What other people have and do has nothing to do with you. Instead of trying to pull yourself down when you hear about other success, send them your love and be happy for them. It will calm you down and create more positive thoughts about you and others.
Comparing your life to others often leads to negative thoughts and feelings about yourself. It’s like a very bad habit that we developed over the years of hearing stories and telling lies to ourselves.
Stop comparing your life lows, to someone’s highs. Stop comparing your weaknesses to someone else’s strengths. Stop comparing others outsides to your insides. We are too different to be compared.
And remember, we all struggle to reach our dreams and to create the life that we want to live. We all are trying our best even if we doubt ourselves.
Life is a journey.
And it’s just you who writes your own story.
Talk to you soon!