I was thinking what to write for quite a few days, writing is a new thing for me and it’s harder than I thought it will be. Especially writing about personal things, deeper thoughts and struggles. But I think that’s the journey of our life – to do things that makes you scared a little bit. That’s a really exciting journey to happiness.
All my life I was struggling with one big thing – I didn’t know who I am, I’ve been lost for a long time and I always felt pressure to be something. I bet a lot of you know this feeling. I didn’t knew anything about myself. I was a girlfriend and I was a daughter. That was the only way I could describe myself. But I wanted more. I wanted way more – I wanted to know who (tf) am I.
With all of those questions in my head sometimes I feel that something is wrong, that something is missing and I don’t know what to do, who to talk to. I had hell loads of those dark and depressive moments, where everything just seems useless, but I can cheerfully say that I get less and less of those days now. And you know what helped me? I started to fall in love with myself. Yes yes. I found a LOVE. Sounds selfish, but it’s not at all. Falling in love with myself helped me to find strength in everyday, accept my flaws and heal my insecurities, learn and laugh from my mistakes, to be brave and adventurous. And I still have lots of work to do with myself, because loving yourself it’s a lifelong school, but I can say, that my life is easier right now. And I want to share some, in my opinion, important steps how to change your life and fall in love with yourself.
By the way, I am not an expert in psychology, I don’t know you and what you’re going through, but I will share a few things that might help you too.
- WATCH WHAT YOU THINK. There is a beautiful saying that every morning you have a new opportunity to have the best day of your life. And I couldn’t agree more. Changes in your life will start from your mind. Every morning, when we wake up, we decide if it’s going to be the best or the worst day of our lives. You might think I am crazy, but I will explain what I mean. You see, our mind is a very powerful thing and what we think about it might happen (I’m not talking about other people actions, don’t be silly, we can’t control that). Most of our lives we live in our mind – we create all kind of situations, scenarios and hundred thousand endings of the stories that won’t even happen in real life. We can think for (thousands) hours about one case and most of our thoughts are not gonna be happy or cheering ones. We even get upset about some things (that not even happened yet) and destroy all the beauty of our day. Every thought matters. Worrying doesn’t help to sort out tomorrow’s problems, it takes away today’s peace. And if we are not in peace today, we can’t build and enjoy our lives. In order to learn how to love ourselves we have to be more open minded, to dream big and believe that we can do everything what we want.
- POSITIVE VIBES. This doesn’t mean that we have to smile 24/7 or pretend that we live in a fairy tail. I am saying that we should always look for a positivity in all situations. Because the way we react to some things makes a huge impact to our lives. As an example – you spilled your morning coffee on your white shirt. You can react in two ways. First one – you get really angry about the fact that you have to change your shirt, and you think that it’s going to be the worst day, so instead of having breakfast you go to find another shirt, which need ironing and then you try to do quickly but when you need quickly it doesn’t happen, you drop everything around you, you get even more angry. Traffic jam – extremely angry. No breakfast – furious. Late to work – smoke and flames are coming from your ears and nose. Result – rubbish morning which will have an impact on your whole day because you will be thinking, that it’s a rubbish day, so it will be a rubbish day. Another way to take that accident – you giggle and think that maybe this shirt doesn’t fit you today and that’s the sign from the universe. That’s it. No getting angry, no negative thoughts, no ruined day. Do you understand what I mean? We always have two options how to react to certain situations – be negative and blame everyone about everything or be positive and take it as it comes. It’s so much easier to survive hard times when you let the bad thoughts go away, create positive vibes around (and inside) you and take all the situations as it is. I know it is plain to say that but hear me out EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK. Repeat that until you believe it. #positivevibes
- FORGIVE. Every single person in this life has done or said something that they will regret all their lives. Our past is following us wherever we go. BUT do we really need to carry all that heavy part on our shoulders for the rest of our lives? It is there. We’ve done that. We can’t change anything. We can regret doing that. We definitely learned from that. But we have to let ourselves be free again and the only way to do that is to forgive. Forgiveness is the key to happiness. Imagine that you think about your mistake once or twice a day, like you said something bad to your friend. Those thoughts leads you to another thoughts that you are a very bad friend. Then you start thinking that maybe not only bad friend but also very bad person, you made so many mistakes, you upset people, you don’t know how to talk, how to communicate with others and you’re worth nothing in this life. I think that would be a normal mind flow. Then one day you realise that you pushed people away, that you stayed at home all cried out because you’re rubbish and don’t have any friends and blah blah blah. And this makes you feel even worse because you start thinking that you don’t know why you are on this planet and you don’t want to live here anymore…
As I mentioned before – mind is a powerful thing and our mistakes can be the beginning of a very deep things like depression or suicide. I made mistakes, that was following me entire time. I still remember it. But there was one point when I forgave myself for it. I made a mistake. A huge mistake which changed my life but that’s me – a human being who didn’t born with an instructions and rules how to play this game called life. I made decisions which I thought are good in that moment even if now I think opposite. I lived my life then. And it’s ok. I try my best, I still make mistakes, I fall down, I forgive myself, I stand up and I move on to the next chapter. We all have our past but we can’t let it ruin our future. Forgive yourself, because you can’t change anything in there. Forgive yourself, because you need to live today.
- YOU ARE ENOUGH. I remember like it was yesterday (but it was long time ago). I came back from work I took of my work clothes and I glanced in a mirror. I was disgusted with a view. I never liked my body and the way I look. But that moment I chased away all the bad thoughts and told myself ”you are enough. you are beautiful.’’ Since then I always repeat this to myself. And it turned to be a good mantra not only about the look. It’s also about the way we are inside. We spend so much time thinking about who we would be if something in us would be different, if we would look different, if we would think different, if we would have skills and talents that others have. We create ideal person in our heads mostly based on other people opinion and we waste our energy to be that person when the real YOU is waiting to be found. Once and for all we have to stop pretending that we are someone else and finally stop chasing stereotype based unexisting person and let us be us. Accept yourself the way you are. Because you are enough. I know lots of people always worry about some things – that they don’t have a newest cars or phones, they don’t read books or don’t have a business like their moms best friends neighbours son, they do not travel or don’t do things that others do. Screw those things. We are so freaking enough for the person that we are and no one should make us feel bad about it. Life is not a competition and it is really exhausting to be someone that you aren’t but it’s so easy to be yourself (even if you don’t know who you are). Laugh loud, love hard, wear whatever, eat whatever. Dream, wish, experience, feel, enjoy every little thing that happens in your life. Don’t waste your precious life to be someone else. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
- TREAT YOURSELF. This is one of my favourite. We live in a world where we are always in a rush. In a rush to find a job, in a rush to finish book, in a rush to finish everything what we start doing just so we could move on to another task. We are so busy these days, that we always run everywhere and all the time, we don’t want to waste our time. And there are another rock involved in our daily marathon – stress, which doesn’t help to get through the day, like, at all. We are so caught up in our daily routines that we forgot about an actual living. We forgot to enjoy the little things in every day. You know those things like – to stop and look in the sky, enjoy the smell of freshly brewed coffee, listen to the sound of rain or feel your heartbeat. Is there a lot of those little things in your day? There should be because those tiny little things creates the beauty of our lives. We should stop for a minute and appreciate how much we have in our lives, notice how we feel right now. B-r-e-a-t-h-e. I am not saying that we have to drop everything what we do, but we should involve a self-love moment in everyday routine. That might look like – go and buy that portion of double chocolate with extra chocolate chips ice-cream, watch one episode of Friends, wake up 10 minutes earlier to have a coffee, go for a walk or just breathe without thinking too much at least for a minute, live in a moment. Surprise yourself e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y. You deserve at least one small gift regularly for the hard work that you do and for all the things that you do for your loved ones. Don’t wait for other people to do something for you do that for yourself! Appreciate yourself like you appreciate others. Love yourself for all that you are and will be.
If you made it till here I am really happy. I hope my discoveries will inspire you to make some changes in your life. We really need to learn how to love ourselves in order to create and live life that we want to live. There is a light in all of us, we just need to love ourselves a little bit more to find it!